Yeah we fancy like Applebees...on a date night... with that bourbon street steak and that Oreo shake...
Singing along to the tune of my ringtone, I looked down at my phone. It was the school calling. Again. As I sighed I wondered 'What is it this time?'
"Hello" I answered, cautiously.
"Mrs. Gentry? This is the principal. I have Jerad in my office with me. Do you have a minute to chat?"
I'm no stranger to calls from my kids' school. I've received several over the years, usually because of something my middle child has perpetrated. He is, by far, the biggest culprit of all my kids (although none of them are completely innocent).
From his birth onwards, Jerad has been a disruptor. He was, after all, born 18 days late. Yes, you read that correctly - I carried him for over two weeks past my due date. At the time it was a new record for my OB (and I'm pretty sure it remains unbeaten to this day). He pushed the limits of pregnancy and I pushed the limits of cupcake consumption while waiting for labor. It was the first of many times that he tested my patience.
When he was just 3 years old, I received a call telling me that Jerad pulled the fire alarm at daycare on the way out to recess. I was Christmas shopping with a friend and had just finished lunch when the call came in...
"This is Casey," I answered in my standard business-like greeting (read: anyone who isn't family or friends).
"Hi Mrs. Gentry. This is Jerad's daycare." I could immediately tell in her voice that my child was the villain in the story - I just didn't know the plot yet.
She continued..."We had a situation today." (Pause) "The kids were getting ready to go out to recess, and, well, Jerad pulled the fire alarm. I guess he was reaching for it and the teacher asked him not to touch it. But he pulled it anyways."
OH. MY. GOD. A wave of dread rushed over me like a weighted blanket. I was beyond embarrassed...I was absolutely mortified. In that moment, I realized I might have that kid - the one that everyone knows is the central figure in mischief.
The voice on the other end of the line broke my train of thought..."The fire department has to come out to the facility for protocol. We need you to come pick Jerad up for the day."
So much for my Christmas shopping...
It's funny to think about now, and most people laugh when I tell them this story, but at the time, I was fuming. As I look back with the benefit of hindsight (and understanding more about the curiosity that fills my son), I really do think he was wondering what would happen when he pulled the fire alarm. For him, it was simple, innocent, cause-and-effect processing. The potential consequences of his actions were a distant consideration. His desire to understand the mechanics of the alarm superseded the instructors directions.
For better or worse, I have received many calls over the years because Jerad's impulses overruled the authority in charge. From the time Jerad entered Kindergarten, the principal has (probably) had me on speed dial. It would be an understatement to say his transition from preschool to elementary was merely rocky. Like many boys, he struggled adjusting to a traditional classroom setting that required stillness and constant focus. He also suffered from a speech and reading delay, which was exacerbated by masking during Covid. Mixed together, these created the perfect struggle cocktail that took years of extracurricular work to overcome. He would often communicate in the only way he knew would get a response - by acting out.
I tell these stories to set the stage, to paint the picture of a strong willed, independent thinker, who has little interest in conforming. That is probably why our efforts at team sports (soccer, baseball) have so far failed to generate any participatory desire. We tried them, and he obliged for a bit, but he never enjoyed them enough to continue. For the longest time, we weren't sure what might capture his interest. Until he tried ninja warrior last year.
Jerad LOVES ninja warrior. He will spend hours at the gym training if allowed. It's rather remarkable to watch what he can do! He pushes his body to extremes, flying through the air from obstacle to obstacle, fearless in the face of falling. He works hard, every week, to get just a little bit better. Seeing how far he has come is inspiring, because a year ago he was suffering (sometimes silently) from chills, daily stomach discomfort, and rashes of eczema all over his skin. Sometimes he would eat, but often it wasn't much. He was still growing, but something was off. Thankfully we had a starting point, because we knew Celiac disease runs in the family - his dad had been diagnosed about 8 years ago.
For his father, the path to diagnosis was long and painful, but we learned so much that prepared us for a situation like this. Jerad's road was short and within 6 weeks we had a positive diagnosis. Jerad was devastated (and he still is). He knew his life would change, and no matter how much 'glass half full' mumbo jumbo we inserted into our discussions, it's a lot for a 9 year old to digest. Not only were some his favorite foods now off limits, he would be required to pack his lunch for school every day. It also meant limited restaurant options, planning ahead for social gatherings, and sometimes being unable to participate like everyone else. There was a learning curve, because he understood that growing freedoms required self-advocacy, so he must become comfortable managing his disease when guardians aren't around to double check.
Jerad has faced more afflictions than many kids his age. He has overcome many acute hardships and manages chronic trials with grace. When he asks why he struggles so much, I often remind him that the people who learn how to appropriately deal with adversity at a young age are better prepared for everything life inevitably hurls at them. They grow resilient to outside forces and are unwilling to give up when circumstances encourage otherwise. Even if sometimes knowing when to waive the white flag is the right thing to do.
Jerad is now in 5th grade. Most days are uneventful and smooth, in part because of his academic skill improvement and in part because his Celiac diagnosis is under control. But sometimes, he still surprises me. Which brings me back to where we started...
"Mrs. Gentry? This is the principal. I have Jerad in my office with me. Do you have a minute to chat?"
"Sure. What's going on?"
"I have Jerad with me here in the office. He isn't in trouble, but he is upset. I told him I have to call you because of what happened today."
There goes my cheery mood.
"Okay. What happened?"
She continued, "During bathroom break today, the lights in the boys bathroom weren't working. Jerad was in there with other boys from the class..." her voice drifted off.
"Uh-huh" I muttered. Oh Lord, how bad is it?
"Well, Jerad thought the lights were cameras. So he climbed on the urinals and rotated them around so they couldn't record anyone."
Did I hear that right?
"BWAHAHAHAHA!" My belly laughter erupted. The mental image of him climbing on top of something people pee in just to make sure the lights were in fact lights and not cameras. And what about the discussion the boys must have had prior? Surely someone told him they weren't cameras, but he was determined to ninja his way on top of the toilet to confirm himself.
I just couldn't take it.
"Excuse me, he did what?" I asked the principal between giggles. I think she secretly wanted to laugh a bit too, for obvious reasons, but she maintained her professionalism. "Thank you for letting me know." I said through a smile. "I will tell Jerad he needs to put his ninja warrior skills to better use."
I wasn't mad. In fact, I was kind of proud. Jerad saw a (perceived) threat, and he took action to protect himself and those around him. Our world would be a better place with more people like him. He is a rebel in his own way, with protective instincts, who is willing to push the boundaries of thought and challenge the norm. Combine his drive for discovery, resilient nature and willingness to ask questions, and Jerad will do incredible things one day. Even if it takes a few misguided choices to recenter first.
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